I am a sad guy!

I know, I am as shocked as the rest of you are for updating. But this depression merits something so pivotal as blogging for the first time in over a month. I can't put anything really fancy into it, mostly because I don't want to, but today I just want to give smithfieldman a few reasons to stay in Provo.
1. Who will go to the midnight releases of such pivotal films like Cheaper By the Dozen 2 and Yours, Mine, and Ours...? P.S. I love Zorro part Two. I don't know if it was just that it was midnight and I was tired or just really awesome, but I tend to think it was the latter.
2. Who will come over and protect me from the scary sexual predators lurking about my house? Okay, probably not Smithfieldman but it was a nice thought.
3. What if a light bulb goes out? Are we going to have to be in utter darkness for the rest of our lives?
4. What about crappy movie Sundays? Valentine's Day comes but once a year, which means that Valentine is on TV but once a year. Damn You, Noah!
5. What if my chair is at my uncle's house again? How will I get there? Who will bring my chair home in their trusty but rusty truck?

I can't think of anything else, but I am sure that there are more reasons for my beloved Freakishly Tall friend to stay in the greatest town in the world. Okay, maybe I'm just overly emotional right now, but I don't think I can handle anyone else I know and love leaving me. That's right, Jason is included in that category. Who will live in the Wells Fargo building with me now? I guess I will just have to give up my dream, but I would really hate to do that.

In case anyone I don't know is reading this, I am in the market for a new Freakishly Tall Friend. It seems my old one just didn't love me enough.