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Thursday, June 26, 2008

Betrayal

I have recently found out that I am unloveable as a person. I have always suspected that my opinion and feelings matter very little in this world, but now I have definitive proof. Ever since I was little, every person that I have considered a friend has betrayed in some way. I don't know why. No one ever tells me anything. Most of the time I have to stumble upon the fact that my "friends" are no longer my friends. It could be that they stop returning my calls. It could be that they stop inviting me to hang out with them. There are many ways in which I have been dumped by pretty much everyone that I have ever been close to.
I have recently been betrayed by two people who I had finally felt close to. People that I had been friends with for a long time. Friends that I thought cared about me. Guess what: the inevitable happened again. I have been dumped. So while these particular people laugh it up in the living room, I sit sobbing in the kitchen. It's not what they did that bothers me. It's the fact that after knowing these people for the past five years, I feel like I am owed some kind of respect. If you want to break up the friendship, fine, BUT AT LEAST HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL ME IN PERSON, BEFORE IT GOES DOWN.
I wish that I wasn't angry about this. I shouldn't be angry about this. I want to maintain a relationship with these people. But how can I? They obviously have some sort of issue with me that is so horrible it has to remain a secret. That's fine. There's nothing I can do about that. I wish that it could be different, but again, I am UNLOVEABLE.
So everyone out there who has a problem with me, let me tell you this. I'm sorry that I am embarrassing. I am sorry that I have nothing to offer society. I am sorry that I can't be the person that you want me to be. I am sorry that I have to exist on this earth. I try not to be a bother, but I guess I have even failed at that, just like I fail at every other thing that I attempt to do in my life.
Anyway, I write a blog so that I can keep in contact with my friends, but apparently no one really cares about me anyway. I have nothing to offer you guys anymore. I am done. I am not looking for sympathy, because I wouldn't want anyone to take any extra thought into my feelings then necessary. Please don't bother yourself. I won't believe it anyway.